Thursday, December 17, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Halloween 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Pumpkin Patch
This past weekend we took Evangelene to the pumpkin patch with her cousin, Audrey Lane. They are sooo cute together...we can hardly wait until they start talking!
Sweet Elle Ava
It is so hard to believe that years have already passed since we held our daughter, Elle Ava. She would have been 2 on October 10th. And two years ago today, we said our goodbyes. I woke up this morning feeling empty....for today I feel lost once again on this journey of grief and healing. Most of the time, I don't allow myself to feel deeply about losing her; it just opens up my broken heart all over again. But for today, I remember and deeply feel our connection.
Elle was a perfect baby with lots of dark brown hair and had the cutest little nose. She had tiny hands and tiny feet. When we would visit her in the NICU all we could do for the first few days was hold her little hand and she would grasp our fingers. Every so often the nurses would let me take her temperature and even change her diaper (and they were smaller diapers than you can even imagine). After receiving the devastating news that she would not survive, we spent the last days just holding and loving her. Elle was so small, you could barely cuddle her like a normal size baby. We bathed her and sang her sweet lullabies and rocked her all night long. Our goodbyes were full of sorrow and final, with one last kiss. After the longest 12 days of our lives, Bryan and I left the hospital on October 21, 2007 with empty hearts and empty arms--we were forever changed. I can feel the love and loss just like it happened yesterday.
Our journey through the grieving process as a couple and as individuals has been grueling and even unbearable at times. It is understandable why some marriages don't survive a tragedy of this magnitude....but ours has and is stronger than ever. Through our loss we learned to communicate honestly and to truly take care of one another. And although I shed tears on her birthday and now today, I have truly stepped back into the light. I consciously made the choice to start living again and to embrace the love and life around me. Now, I remember my daughter with a deep, intense love, the kind only other grieving parents can know. And although I hate to hear it to this day that 'everything happens for a reason', I am at peace with the fact that 'everything is as it should be'....that I can swallow. And some may say, take from this journey/life experience a lesson. But to that I say, it is not a lesson that I am to take from my loss, but rather I take from it a gift of peace and true happiness. Elle gave me a spiritual peace and freedom that most will never find in lifetime of searching or even churchgoing. I can just be...I do not carry guilt or fear nor anxiety of what is to come. Thank you, my sweet Elle for the peace in my mind and heart and deep in my soul. Tomorrow, I will find my way back on to the path set before me and once again, not feel lost---For, each time I look into Evangelene's eyes and hug and kiss her, my love is sent to you, too. Until I hold you again.....I love you, my Elle Ava.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Evangelene's First Plane Trip
Evie and her G.G.
A few weekends ago Bryan was in Austin, Texas for a continuing education seminar, so my parents flew Evie and I home for a much needed visit!! This was Evangelene's very first plane ride back to Indiana. I was really nervous and unsure how things would go, but she did great! Because we had to catch a 6:00 am flight in Baton Rouge, we started our day at 2:30 am. But it was all worth it when we finally got to see Grandpa & G.G.!!! Although I apologized ahead of time to every businessman I sat next to on all of our flights, Evie didn't even cry once. Overall, the trip there was great. I did wonder for a minute if my stroller and car seat were going to survive the baggage handlers. I checked both things plane side right before boarding and watched as the threw them down onto to the loading ramp. One of the baggage handlers turned to me and actually said, "I hope you have insurance!" Now, doesn't that just make you feel reassured about your expensive baby stuff making it back in one piece?? Thankfully they did! After every flight, they showed up intact waiting for me on the jetway. Our only problem came on the return flight home. We went to the airport on Monday, said our goodbyes and boarded the plane. They taxied the plane out on to the runway only to shut off the engine. After what seemed like an eternity, the pilot notified us that due to the stormy weather and flooding in Atlanta (my connection to Baton Rouge), we were going to have to wait at least an hour to get clearance to fly. Anyway, two hours passed with us just sitting on the runway before they finally brought us back to gate. For someone that doesn't like to fly, this was a nightmare for me--claustrophobia started to set in. Thankfully, Evie kept me distracted and I think I conquered my fear of being stuck on a plane!! So after spending 7 hours at the airport, we went back to the Lake for the night and got a flight home the next morning. After all of that, I am glad to have my first flight with an infant under my belt. I have a feeling, though, that this part is a piece of cake...it's when she is a toddler that I will really need to worry!!!
Evie still in her pj's for her very first flight at 6 am
Tanner and Ami Bree came to stay at the Lake with us for the weekend. It is soooo much fun to play with Tanner; his little voice is so sweet! And he loves Evie so much!
We all were wishing Brandon could have been home, too!!!
After a great weekend, we were sad to leave. I could tell my mom was having a hard time saying goodbye; I guess you can never kiss your grandbabies enough! It has always been hard for me to leave after a visit with my family, but it has only gotten harder with Evangelene. I leave knowing that once again months will pass before my family gets to see and hold her (and hug me!). So now the count down begins again... But my countdown is not about presents or even Christmas Day....it is just about getting to go home and spend time with my family.
Brunch at Tiffany's
At the end of August, the March of Dimes held their 4th Annual "Brunch at Tiffany's" fundraising event at the City Club in River Ranch. I co-chaired the event with Heather Smith for the second consecutive year. We met last year through the March of Dimes...I am so blessed to have her in my life! Through our volunteerism and support of the organization, we honor the memory of our daughters, Elle Ava and Sydney. I am so appreciative to everyone who sponsored and attended our event. We raised a tremendous amount of money to help further the March of Dimes mission which is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality. Visit www.marchofdimes.com to learn more.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
My Favorite Time of the Year!!
And so it begins, my favorite time of the year--College Football Season!! There is just something about the fall, with the change of the leaves, the chill in the air and of course, the excitement on the field. (Well, at least up north the weather changes). The sound of the band and the players in scarlet and gray--"I want to go back to Ohio State, to old Columbus town...I want to go back, I gotta go back, to O-hi-o!" I was raised on Ohio State Football and even spent my college glory days there. So it was perfect that I would meet someone that loves college football as much as I do, even if he is a Tiger fan. I look forward to the day when Ohio State and LSU meet again....hopefully it will be in my lifetime. But for now, we will just dress Evangelene for game day in both colors. Geaux Bucks & Tigers!!!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
More Pics from Indiana
The Crowders
G.G. & Grandpa
I love this picture!!
I'm just so glad Brandon could come home...I know my parents were, too!!
One of my all time favorites!!
Ami Bree & Evie
My precious nephew, Tanner
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